Whats new with me.
Well my life has been improving.I admit that things were looking pretty bad for a while,but things got back to normal.
I got a couple of scares with family members feeling sucidal but they are ok now.
Since the last time I updated my page,my sister Margaret devoloped cancer,and we thought that we would loose her.She is alright now,and thankfully we got it in time.I am doing a lot better in dealing with life and everyday problems these days.I have learned to have self respect and to also be able to look in the mirror and be satisfied to look at the person staring back at me.I found that its very important to learn to think good of yourself cause thats a huge step towards recovery.
I have been spending a lot more time with my aunt and mom than beffore,and its really awesome how much that she really cares about me,and well I really care about her too,I think I had already mentioned that earlier in my webpage.We watch movies together now and hang out and I really enjoy that.She is always giving me huggies and being there to listen and she gives me great advise.See the internet really got me to know my aunt,cause I wouldent have dared to tell her I self injured.She had found my homepage on my Yahoo profile,cause she also has a chat address.One night we were talking and she said I have a wonderful webpage and that it is great I was helping other people.Well at first I was scared she would have rejected me,lots of people have when they found out.Well anyhow she did just the oppisite,she loved me and showed a great understanding.Now I have a wonderful relationship with her and my mom and my friend.I think that is the main thing in life..its just to be loved,and to be able to love.I don't think that looking good,or having a ton on money makes you any better than anyone else.I think that its your heart that counts.You see you can have a large house,and a ton of money,thats just not important,if you cannot love and have compassion for others.As for family life my sisters and I have learned to except eachother again,and she understands self injury better now and no longer thinks I am crazy.My friend and I write letters to eachother and life is imporving very much.I just want each and every person out there who feels like giving up,and who feels like they have no value,no reason to live,and are even considering taking thier own life,that there is hope,and there are people who also have been right where you are standing now.I felt hopeless,and at a point I actulay beileved the world would be better off if I died.I was so wrong.Although there are some people proberly reading my site right now saying I'm diffrent,I'm hopeless I have self injured too long and its too late,no one will ever love me or if I died tonight no one would care.I have felt that way too,and I know now that I was wrong.There is hope and although prehaps the future looks dim and sad,just be strong and fight with everything you have cause you have a purpose and you are NOT alone in this.
I care and I want to help anyone that I can,and I promise I will do everything I can to help.
I have noticed that over eight hundred people have visited my website gosh thats wonderful I'm so very happy that all you people have seen my site.I hope that it helped you.See if I can touch just one life than I feel that I have acomplished something in this world and that in its self is enough to make me want to go on and help others.
I have met a guy whom I really enjoy talking to.He is very nice.
I fought depression as long as I can rembember now and its only recently that I have been winning that fight.
Well I geuss thats all thats really new with me,besides the fact that I am almost graduated and I am getting ready to live my dreams.
There is so much hope,no matter who you are or where you have come from or what you have been through there is hope.
Take care of yourselvs and rembember I am here if ever you need a friend.
Glenda
Okay today is January the 18th 2003
I thought that I should update agin;)
I am doing better yet with my fight against depression.I thought about going back to si and cutting but relised that for me cutting is no longer a solution.I have learned to just come out the closet so to speek about my inner feelings and that if you feel like cutting and even in your darkest most painful hours in the moment that you think your not going to get through the wanting to cut so badly that if you wait it out it will pas cause its a urge.And that the more you fight it the less harder its going to be next time.
I noticed a lot of people on the SI message boards are always putting thierselvs down for cutting after a week or more of not cutting.Okay I used to also do this and totaly understand how it feels,but I find the best thing to do when you want to get mad at yourself for cutting is to reward yourself for all the time you went without self harm.
I allow myself to cry in front of people which to me is a HUGE improvement cause I used to not be able to do that/I don't know about everyone who self harms but for me I held in all my feelings and never allowed myself to cry and there was a time I cut to relese feelings,a time I cut to feel,a time I cut cause I felt too much and times when I cut to punish myself for the cutting,and whatever the reason cutting is cycle once you do it,you feel you have to do it again to punish yourself for the last time and so on.
The way I stopped was gradulay I found that other things dident work well for me that worked well for others.And that the best thing for me was when people seen who I really was and am and it was so diffrent from what they seen beffore cause I took off my mask and reveiled my real self.
Its hard and took me five years to unmask the innerself I had been hideing.
There are going to be people everywhere who are ready to judge you for every move you make,and for your problems and its wierd those same people never do look at thier own lives beffore they judge others.In my opionion people have no right to judge other people.There are loads of mean people but there are sone good hearted people in this world.My aunt Carol is one and my mom my friend and my sisters.:) At first my sisres had a huge problem with excepting me as a self injurer and said things that werent nice but now they have bolth learned to except me and we built up a new trust that I feel is better than the time that we thought we knew eachother but now we know eachother better!
I have met people all over the world through the internet and some even send me mail (like in postage) and they are very wonderful people.
I know there are good people out there.
And this page is here not just as a victory for me but also a place of hope and a place to let others know they are not alone.And there is someone out there who knows how you feel.I have been there and am now here for you.
Okay today is April the eighth and there is quite a lot that has happened with me since I last updated this site lol.
Urm the first and most important thing is that I give my life to Jesus Christ,and I am a part of a bunch of self injury support groups(I'm one of the people who give support) I enjoy helping people and I am currently part of a (joy group) or worship group.And I have been touched by Jesus and my life has improved since and I just want to share with everyone and I want everyone to know that Jesus loves us all no matter what we did or have done,or even what we do.If you are reading this and are not religious I apoligize if I offended anyone I'm very sorry I'm DEFFINATLY not trying to offend anyone I am just telling everyone my experinces.Anyways I want to help people from all walks of life,I mean I don't care what religion you are I want to help anyone who needs help.So I just wanted everyone who is reading this to know I'm still SI free:)
God bless
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